Something I didn't mention before because I didn't have time to...

Not that long ago Ron was MEGA stressed and I didn't know about any of it, and we had an arguement over something trivial and he dumped me in a heated hissy fit. A few days later he apologised and explained what was really going on with him and it was pretty bad, so I was able to forgive him and all was okay.

What I didn't realise when I dumped him recently, was that the date that he sent the message to his - I realised later MARRIED - friend on the internet about not having anyone special in his life anymore, was the day he chucked that tanti and dumped me. So he was actually telling her the truth at the time... and he only lied to me about it because he didn't want to upset me.

Oh dear. It's a mess. We're communicating again, but not as well as we probably should - he's buried himself so deep into concentrating on SCCS and work atm he can't think past that enough to think about us - but there is a faint glimmer of hope on the horizon... maybe... one day... eventually... I hope... because...

He still wants me running his head office from here, and he only wanted his head office here because he was planning on eventually moving here to live, and he was only planning on moving here to live to be with me... I don't know if that is a good sign or not. We're negotiating... when he has time. Poor bugger is working flat out non-stop, he pretty much only gets to talk to me on his way to and from work atm.

I don't even know what to do anymore.

...that when he met his wife, he was in a situation where he was at a crossroads in his life. He was of the opinion that he should get his life together before considering getting into a serious relationship. Then he met his wife and wondered if he could have a relationship while he got his life together. He decided to take a chance and risk it, and he never looked back. His wife supported his every decision and had faith in him to make the right decisions in his life, and without her, he never would have gotten as far as he did in life.

I am constantly finding people telling me that they aren't in a good situation to become involved in a realtionship. I say to them, what that man said to me:

"If that person is really the right one for you, your relationship with them will survive the hard times, and holding off on it won't change that. Don't waste the time you have to be happy with someone special, after all, you only have one lifetime to share."

Just thought I'd share that with you.

Okay, lets see how much I can whinge about tonight...

I'm bored.

I'm freakin freezing!

My shoulder hurts.

I'm bored.

Aidan's bike needs repair already, dammit, I knew I'd be paying for it forever!

I'm bored.

I can barely feel my feet.

I'm trying to remember what frostbite feels like.

My back is aching.

I'm bored.

My shoulder is stiff and really sore and making all sorts of strange grinding popping noises when I move it.

I'm still bored.

OMFG my shoulder hurts!

The last time I was this cold I was knee deep in snow.

I want a new shoulder.

I'm going to go and see if I can defrost in a hot shower and try to avoid getting chill banes on my feet in doing so, or I'll have more to complain about tomorrow. At least it'll give me something to do and I won't be so cold and bored.

And I'm better... well... rapidly getting better anyway! I'm even getting my sense of humour back to normal.

Okay, admission time, I had a breakdown yesterday but I didn't get admitted to hospital. I'm giving up breastfeeding Danny and going back on my medication at full-doses. My memory of the past 3 months is a bit fractured and foggy in a lot of parts, and the past week or so is almost totally gone, but that happens when ya brain conks out.

I've got a lot of making up and catching up to do. My house looked like a bomb hit it yesterday, and OMG have I got some apologies to give to Ron! I think I've treated him like total crap of late... some of the things I've found on my computer suggest so anyway! And some editing work I was supposed to do for my brother, IF I did it at all, I did a really bad job of it!

If in the past... I can't even remember how long! Okay, if we cover all bases and say since the start of March... if I've seriously upset, offended, or confused anyone, I'm really really really sorry - unless I meant it. LOL If I did any such things, let me know and i'll let you know if it was me or my insanity talking.

Will blog more later. Taking it easy for a while, so if I seem to snob you on msn, don't take it personally, I'm either not here or wanting to just concentrate on one thing at a time and I'm already pre-occupied. I'll catch up with everyone eventually.